Fertility Stress: 3 essential tips to help you get through Christmas
There is nothing worse than being sad during a time when everyone else is feeling joyful is there?
It is bad enough when those times of celebration are happening within your own circle – family gatherings, friends parties and even business events. With something like Christmas though other people’s happiness is being slammed in your face at every turn isn’t it? To add insult to injury for those struggling with fertility issues, it is predominantly about the joy that children bring to our lives too isn’t it?
There’s also the likelihood of being invited to more celebrations than usual isn’t there, which increases the chances of the dreaded “when are you going to have a baby” type questions?So how do you make it through Christmas, without feeling like you want to scream your head off at everyone, for not getting how inconsiderate they are for shoving their happy families in your face all the time?
Something I’ve learnt over the years is that the best way to feel ok about me and my life is to listen to my feelings and do what is right for me at the time.
What’s right for me and what’s right for you are not necessarily the same thing. What’s right for me at one time maybe different the next.
What is always the same is that I stay true to what my feelings are guiding me to do and that is what I want you to follow too. In other words, listen to your emotions because they are seeking to guide you in the best direction that they can.
With that in mind, I have shared below the three things that I always consider when I am facing something or someone that is making me feel Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!
Although I have made them relevant to you by putting them in the context of fertility.
Step 1 - BACK OFF
Tell them to back off and mind their own business (using your own words of course).
If someone starts asking you about getting pregnant and when you are going to ‘get on with it’, you are perfectly within your rights to tell them that you don’t feel that their questions are appropriate. Yes that may make them feel uncomfortable and even put out, they might even consider you rude, but so what? They don’t actually have a right to ask and they don’t have a right to expect an answer, so you don’t have to give them one if you don’t want to.
Step 2 - BE BLUNT
Tell them the truth and help them see why their question isn’t useful.
If you are feeling up for it you could tell them that you do want a baby. That you have been trying for x number of months/years and that emotionally it is very hard, giving as much detail as you wish to share (you could in fact give them so much information that they would never subject another poor person to such a question ever again). On a more serious note though if you feel up to answering their questions, you could save someone else the pain of having to respond, by telling the person you are speaking to how hard it is to be asked such questions when you are struggling with fertility issues.
Step 3 - BAIL OUT
Don’t attend if you don’t want to.
Even if you have said yes to an invitation, if when it comes to it you don’t want to go bail out. Obviously depending on what the invitation is for you may want to give prior warning that you may not be able to make it. If it is something that you have to give a confirmed answer to then listen to your feelings, and ask yourself “do I really want to go to this?” If the answer is no say no, if the answer is yes, remind yourself of that on the day and set the intention to enjoy it. If you attend know that you can tell people to ‘Back off’ or you can ‘Be Blunt’ if the dreaded baby questions come up. Also, if something happens at the event that causes you upset then you can also ‘Bail out’ at any time too.
That's my 3 essential tips, but wait there's more...
I was about to close off this blog post when it occurred to me that there is something that may possibly pop up and sabotage all of the above. That thing is feeling GUILTY. So I am going to give a very quick masterclass on the true meaning of guilt before I go.
You see what guilt wants to make sure is that we are being fair to others, and if we haven’t been fair it is there to help us put something right.
Because of the way we have been mis-informed about our emotions and guilt being one of the most misunderstood and mis-used of them all, you may find that you feel guilty for telling someone to mind their own business, or that their question was inappropriate, or that you don’t feel up to accepting their invitation.
So just in case that is you, I want to end by making sure you understand that in no way are you being unfair to others by not answering their baby questions in the way they expect you to, or not attending an event because you don’t feel up to it. The important thing to be aware of is if you compromise your own feelings by hiding your pain, then you are saying that being fair to others is more important than being fair to yourself.
So, use my 3 Essential Tips to help you get through Christmas because let’s be honest having fertility issues is unfair enough already isn't it?
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