And here’s the thing…
With or without a difficult Fertility Journey and/or a global pandemic, life will always be an emotional rollercoaster. What most people don’t realise is that without that rollercoaster, our life would be a flat line. Life would be meh, static, boring.
The problem for many people is that their rollercoaster is currently functioning solely in the Emergency State. Once that happens, it can feel hard to escape.
I will use the following excerpt from my book to demonstrate.
Excerpt - “I just want to have a baby: a guide for our emotional well-being on your journey from Fertility Despair to Fertility Freedom”
The FREE Life Compass
“As you may have noticed, I refer to your fertility struggle as a journey, and in fact, I tend to look at life as a journey too. When I think of staying on track with any journey, having a compass always comes to mind, which is why I have created the FREE Life Compass. Through the information in this book, I am going to teach you how to use it, for now though I will give you a brief overview.
You will see that I have split the FREE Life Compass into four quarters. The line running horizontally through the middle represents the Neutral State, below that line is the Emergency State and above it the Living State. A person who is spending much of their time in the Emergency State is ‘Waiting to Live’ until hopefully one day they can have their longed-for baby. When you spend too much time in the Emergency State, your Feeling Brain (more on this later in the book) believes you are in real physical danger… When you’re stuck in the Emergency State, you feel like there is no way out, this is because with your Feeling Brain entirely focused on keeping you safe you’re just trying to get through the day, and there’s no room for long or medium-term planning. Of course, life isn’t always perfect, and so even without something like a difficult Fertility Journey we live on a rollercoaster full of ups and downs that causes us to dip down into the Emergency State. Ideally, we don’t spend excessive time there as the Emergency State is meant for exactly what the name suggests - handling emergencies. Once the emergency is over, we get the hell out of there and return to the Neutral State.
The Neutral State is the feeling you get when you are just getting on with your day, no particular highs or lows, just doing what needs to get done. The best way to appreciate the Neutral State is to experience it and to do this I want you to think about a time in your day when you are focused only on the task in hand, mind not wandering either backwards to the past or forward into the future. There are no extremes of feelings, nothing particularly exciting happening in your NOW (actual present experience), certainly nothing terrible. When you are in a Neutral State, your feelings are neutral too. In other words, you are not feeling overwhelmed by difficult emotions, and you are not noticing great feelings of joy, fulfilment or excitement either. I am sure you can appreciate times in your day that feel like that. Being in the Neutral State is an emotionally calm place to be if we view not being calm as either upset in some way or having fun/being excited/feeling accomplished.
The top half of the FREE Life Compass represents the Living State, which is the state we are in when we are living our lives, be that joy, learning, fun, excitement, fulfilling work and so on. It is natural for us to ebb and flow between the three States throughout our day with the Neutral State providing a state of calm in which we can recover from dealing with an emergency or relax after experiencing peaks of fun, excitement and other fulfilling activities in our lives.”
Getting back to a Neutral State is the only way to escape the Emergency State, however, there is a huge problem.
Your Feeling Brain takes any stress, anxiety, uncertainty, fear, etc you are experiencing, as REAL-LIFE THREATENING DANGER. It therefore believes you need to be in the Emergency State.
As shitty as living through a Global Pandemic on top of an already shitty Fertility Journey is, the larger percentage of us are not in life-threatening danger. In fact, being in lockdown means we are SAFE in our homes. So why wouldn’t our Feeling Brain pick up on the signal that we are not in danger and return us to the Neutral State?
The answer is that our Feeling Brain cannot see what is happening to us. It makes assumptions about every present moment we are in based on our emotions. Therefore, if you are stressed, anxious, fearful etc, your Feeling Brain believes you are in real physical danger.
I will return to the description of my FREE Life Compass to explain this further…
“The vertical line running through the middle of the FREE Life Compass represents the NOW. The way we feel is a representation of what is happening in our NOW. However, that doesn’t just mean what is physically happening to us as the thoughts in our head have just as much power, often more power, than our actual experiences. Understanding this impact, you can see that both our past and our future can impact our NOW. The past is represented on the left-hand side of the Compass and the future on the right. Life becomes problematic when the thoughts in our head get troublesome. A person may become emotionally stuck in the past negatively replaying painful memories and feeling hopeless and depressed, and/or focusing on the loss of who they once were and the life they used to live. They may also become emotionally stuck in the future feeling anxious and catastrophising and worrying.”
From this description, you may recognise yourself as spending most of your life in the Emergency State.
Your current level of upset may be causing you to believe you have little control over changing that until your difficult Fertility Journey ends. Or at least through the vaccine, our lives return to a semblance of normality again.
That is not the case, and the good news is that as long as you are not in real physical danger, you can return to Neutral any time you want.
You can then work towards taking back emotional control of your life and spending time in the Living State once again (even during Lockdown and whilst dealing with a difficult Fertility Journey).
In my soon to be published book, you will learn how to ensure you are only in the Emergency State when there is a genuine reason for being there. Using my unique and powerful Conscious Emotional Processing™ approach, you will find that riding the Emotional Rollercoaster becomes an adventure rather than something to fear. You will learn to ‘Live in the Wait’ with Feel Right Emotional Empowerment™, moving you from Fertility Despair to Fertility Freedom.
I will be announcing the launch date for my book very soon. In the meantime, please come and join our Freedom Fertility Formula™ Emotional Well-Being Support Group, where you will find free resources and techniques.
To connect with one of our global Freedom Fertility Formula™ Specialists team and book a free consultation, click here.
To download our brochure for more information on our unique Freedom Fertility Formula™ Specialist training, during which you will also go through a healing and transformative journey of your own, click here.