The following phrases are some examples of toxic positivity.
- Just stay positive.
- Look on the bright side.
- Everything happens for a reason.
- Happiness is a choice.
- There’s always someone else worse off than you.
- Be grateful for what you do have.
If you are struggling with a difficult Fertility Journey, you may also have heard some of the following:
- At least you know you can get pregnant.
- You can just do IVF.
- Be grateful for the child you have
- There are so many children who need love; why not adopt?
When you read these statements in relation to your feelings about your fertility struggle, how do they land?
- Perhaps they make you feel guilty or weak for not being able to ‘buck yourself up’ more.
- Worse, you feel ashamed that you are not grateful enough.
- Maybe it makes you feel angry because your feelings are being dismissed?
All bar the anger are inappropriate, by the way, and I will share why in my next post.
Here’s the thing…
While it is beneficial for a person struggling with fertility issues to remain hopeful and optimistic about their chances of having a baby, toxic positivity suppresses difficult feelings and emotions, which causes additional harm to their chances of Fertility Success, not to mention their quality of life.
There is no such thing as good and bad emotions which means what we have been taught about being positive is wrong.
All of our feelings are useful and are here to guide us forward in the present, identify unhelpful learnings from our past and help us plan with confidence and flexibility for our future.
If we simply flip our so-called negative feelings into positive ones or even use what is considered more appropriate techniques to release negative emotions without first understanding them, we lose all of that amazing wisdom.
Worse, our difficult feelings never get processed and they become Hidden Saboteurs that affect the quality of our life and for those wanting a baby, their chances of Fertility Success.
If someone starts spouting toxic positivity at you there are three ways you can deal with it.
- Tell them to F*** O***.
- Educate them on why their toxic positivity is so harmful.
- Make your excuses and walk away.
Carrying out any one of the above three suggestions can feel hard when you are already in an emotionally delicate state thought can't it?
Although if you are feeling angry it may not be so hard to implement suggestion one.
For a more in depth solution you may want to read the ‘Negative Pathway Preventing’ section of my book.
In the Social Empowerment chapter of this section I teach you how to protect yourself from the External Saboteurs.
So even if someone does show up with toxic positivity, you will know how to handle it in a way that doesn’t harm your quality of life or your chances of Fertility Success.
Having purchased my book, you will be invited to sign up for some additional resources that will also contain a link to my book support group. You will meet me and others using the book to reclaim emotional control of their lives and enhance their chances of Fertility Success.
I look forward to supporting you on your journey through my book and via the support group.